Parent to Parent
by RisingWinter
Summary: Regina pays Jefferson a visit to say hi. He doesn't take it well. Set before Emma comes to Storybrooke. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Once Upon a Time

Idle fingers traced flowered carvings on a fine oaken surface, touching petals that had been so thoroughly memorized years ago. Petals that could only be traced back to a land of too-green grass and a too-blue sky and plants that were just _too smart_.

"Do you _ever_ do anything else?" a sneering voice asked.

Jefferson ignored the witch making herself at home. _Queen with no subjects, with no heart either of cards or men._

"Nice pool table," she remarked.

"What are you doing here?" _She wouldn't be here unless she had nothing else to do or something to take._

"I'm worried," she said.

"Worried." Jefferson dropped his hand from the patterns, thumping his head against a pillow a couple of times before he forced himself to look up. "Because you're the kind of person to look after my health."

Regina tested the weight of a cue stick, balancing it in one hand before tapping it against the pool table. "The door was unlocked. Thought I'd stop by."

 _Stop by to gloat and to mock, scorn in such a way that I'll never forget._ The floral patterns swirled in a never-ending show of wild wonder, their vines twisting to grab the edges of the coffee table and choke its limbs. Limbs that stood far too proudly for the gnarled trees they should have represented.

"If you don't stand up in one minute, I may call one of the doctors."

"Leave me alone."

"No."

Hauling himself upright, Jefferson stood against the vertigo threatening to pull him back down and he let go of the table before turning to face Regina in all her dark glory – _black as the darkest night_. "Happy?" he asked.

"Yes." Regina dropped the stick to her side like a cane. "Now, anything you'd like to share?"

"If you're going to stay anyway, I have tea."

"No, thanks." Her lips curled in what he assumed to be disgust.

The grandfather clock rang out from the other room, its chimes sounding eight times. "How's your son?" he asked.

"What?" For once, her voice faltered.

"Is he happy?" Jefferson asked.

Regina scoffed. "Of course."

"Sure about that?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You want to know if I'm sane and I want to know if you're a fiend. Given that the answer to both is obvious…"

Regina hissed. "You've lost your mind."

"Thanks to you," Jefferson said with a shrug. "You're the one that trapped me here. Got my head chopped off, took the hunter's heart, likely stored it in a case somewhere in the basement of your mansion. You see, you're just like your lovely mother." His feet carried him around the room in countless circles until he stopped in front of her. _Round and round the ride she goes._

Regina tapped her fingers against the fireplace mantel. "Do you have a point you're going to get to?"

"You already knew who she was, you knew who you were trapping me with. You knew her, like mother, like daughter." _In all the worst ways._

"Don't you dare compare me to that woman."

"Hah!" He leaned in close the way he knew she hated. "You have no idea how many people say the same of you."

Her face twisted, eyes alight with anger. "Must I remind you-"

"That you have Grace?" Jefferson chuckled. "That you could arrange a terrible accident? Do that and you'll never be able to operate the hat. You need me, whether you admit it or not. You hurt Grace, not only do you jeopardize your odds of getting _back there_ but you also take away my reason for not getting back at you."

"Are you threatening me, Hatter?"

He leaned away again, no longer able to handle the strength of her perfume. _Too many flowers in too many hues and shadows_. "It takes two to play the game."

Regina's fist crashed into his cheek, throwing him on the ground, and her voice came cold and clipped. "Don't you _ever_ talk about Henry like that," she said, voice cold. "He's perfectly fine. He's top of his class."

"You speak like intelligence is all that matters. I've seen him, Regina," Jefferson said, sitting upright and brushing dust from his vest. "I can see how lonely he is."

"How can you when you never leave this building?"

"I watch."

"Your _daughter_ , you creep."

"And who do you think spends the most time with her?" Jefferson asked, standing again with a wince. _That rib is going to bruise_. "They're close enough in age and he's certainly been coming to her house quite often. They play nonsense games and talk about you behind your back. Even though she never remembers him, he always picks up a conversation where it left off and she never fails to keep up."

Regina scowled. "I could have you arrested."

" _Please_." Jefferson fell back into the couch. "You do that and they'll let me out again the next day with barely a slap on the wrist. At least I'm not abusing anyone." He swiped at his stinging lip, drawing away a smudge of blood _– painting the roses red –_ away. "For someone who orchestrated this whole mess, you're pretty useless when it comes to controlling it. The whole daily reset thing is kind of a nuisance that way."

Regina's lip curled. "How dare you?"

"No, how _dare you_!" Jefferson shouted. _With that insufferable confidence and cocky attitude_ – "It's almost funny how pathetically _little_ this all ends up working out for you, which I suspect warrants your coming here. You can't make fun of someone who can't remember why they should be so impressed by you, so you come to taunt me and look how even that doesn't go your way! I'm not your lapdog, not anymore! If I'm going to live on this side of the void, then at least do me the honor of not making it worse than the living hell that it is!"

He should leap forward and _strangle-_

Regina casually dropped the stick on the table, knocking several balls out of the way. Her voice lowered dangerously. "So you would prefer Wonderland over this?"

Jefferson quieted, eyes still on her neck – _off with her head!_ She had a point. But he wouldn't admit that, but he also wasn't going to take the risk and argue. Regina smiled. She knew she'd won.

"I didn't come here to argue, Jefferson," she said. "Nor do I come to taunt. I simply wished to speak as fellow parents."

Jefferson scoffed.

" _If_ -" Regina continued, pretending she didn't notice, "You were willing, I was thinking we could invite Paige's-"

"Grace."

"Paige _'s_ family over for dinner, and I could bring you as my potential boyfriend or friend from out of town or something. No one would think twice about it."

Jefferson hesitated. It was tempting. But. "No," he said. "No. I can't."

Regina cocked an eyebrow. "Really? You wouldn't take the chance? It would be fine, nothing strange at all. Totally natural, as opposed to your…" she glanced to the window, mouth working silently. "Stalking habits."

"No," he repeated. "You think I haven't had dozens of chances until now?"

" _Chances_ , yes, of course, but-"

Jefferson shook his head. "No. It's impossible. Too risky."

If he were to talk to Grace, he might tell her everything. But it would be pointless, dangerous. It wouldn't accomplish anything. He had nothing to gain, neither did Grace. "Maybe some other time," he said.

Regina shrugged, slipping her hands into her pockets. "Your loss, I guess. Just don't say I didn't try."

"Thanks. But no thanks."

"Very well," she said with an exaggerated sigh. "Your funeral. It's almost time for Henry to be getting to bed, anyway. I should go."

Jefferson frowned at the wordless reminder. _Grace's parents are tucking her into bed, just like they always do at eight-thirty._ "You do that," he said, bitterness lacing his voice. "Perhaps he'll actually notice you're gone this time."

Regina ignored him and made her way to the door.

She always had an ulterior motive, Jefferson noted. He heard the entrance door slam against a rumbling sky.

Even if he did decide to take the risk and talk to Grace, it was best not to trust the old witch. Sometimes she had nothing better to do, and sometimes she had a thing she wanted to take. Like another trick to take her to the place with too-green grass and too-smart plants and the cold, calculating woman that took heart and head alike.

Jefferson shivered as a chill wind blew through the open door. No. He wasn't going back there. He was going to leave with Grace before the witch had a chance to take them. He moved back to his chair to cut up cloth for another hat.

He was going to find a way out.


End file.
